Lately I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster. One minute I’m excited and pumped up about the work I’m doing. I’ve had a life-long drive to help build strong people. The work I’m doing with clients and the downloads I’m getting from spirit are both energizing and inspiring. I’m truly following spirit on this path to helping you become whole and healthy in all aspects of your life. Because we need you and your gifts.
And then… the energy shifts.
Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed. I doubt myself and wonder, “Who the hell do I think I am?!”
This week was one of those times.
One day I was feeling good. Did some powerful work on the development of the Whole and Healthy Program. The ideas were flowing. I had good conversations with my support team.
But then I couldn’t sleep. I lay awake with my mind in an endless negative, worry loop until well after 2 am. I woke up feeling like crawling into a hole somewhere and hiding. What if I can’t do this? What if it’s no good? What if no one cares?
My back was hurting. That same dull ache and tightness that hangs out on the bottom corner of my right shoulder blade. That one that has been with me for decades despite massage, chiropractic and osteopathic care. That one that will feel better for a bit after treatment and then comes back as strong as ever.
But wait! I’ve been feeling so much better of late. Why is it back now?
It’s time to go within and listen. It’s what worked before. When I was feeling like I’d been stabbed in the back. Through introspection and awareness I was able to release the wound behind that pain. Then I was able to move forward stronger than ever. To feel more energetic and focused. To strengthen my resolve and take the next step towards taking better care of myself.
It’s time to go deep again and heal the next layer of old wounds so that I can keep growing and doing what I’m called to do. And so, I went outside to walk in my garden. As I walked I focused within.
Breathing in….I relax
Breathing out…. I release
In…. Out ….. In…. Out ….
Breathing in ….. I notice the pain
Breathing out …. I acknowledge the pain
In…. Out ….. In…. Out ….
Breathing in …. I accept the pain
Breathing out …. I observe the pain
In…. Out ….. In…. Out ….
Breathing in …. I place my hands upon my heart and say to myself “I love you”
Breathing out …“I love you”
In…. Out ….. In…. Out ….
Breathing in …. I listen to the message within the pain
Breathing out …. I open to the message within the pain
In…. Out ….. In…. Out ….
When I was in first grade my teacher was a …. well, let’s just say not nice. I remember the feeling of her coming up behind me as she walked around the class. It made me want to curl up in a ball and hide.
She was known to pinch students by the skin on the back of their necks or knock her knuckles on their heads if she was not pleased with their work. I lived in fear that I was next.
One day I saw a boy start to sob as his father came into the classroom. Dad took off his belt and the two of them left the room.
Breathing in …. “We are safe now, I love you”
Breathing out …. “It’s safe to speak up, I love you”
Breathing in …. “It’s safe to try, I love you”
Breathing out …. “It’s safe to make a mistake, I love you”.
As I walked and listened within, embraced and soothed the wound, the knot in my back began to release again and I felt the anxiety begin to ease. My calm returned.
My conviction that I MUST keep moving forward was restored. I have important work to do. Because YOU have important work to do.
I have come a long way over the past 14 years on my journey to living healthy. Becoming vegan changed my life in unimaginable ways. I’m grateful.
And now the profound impact of healing my inner wounds and pain is changing my life again. It’s enabling me to become Whole and Healthy and embrace the powerful woman who I am meant to be. I’ve seen it do the same for the people I work with.
Yes, we need to get the skills for changing how we eat. Developing kitchen confidence. Yes, we need to focus on how to live in this unhealthy environment among folks who are not on this same path. The real world navigation skills. Yes we need a common sense foundation for what a healthy lifestyle really is. These are vital aspects of the Whole and Healthy journey.
Just as important, or maybe even most importantly, is the journey within and deep self understanding. Without this aspect of healing I/we stay stuck in unhealthy patterns of self sabotage, self doubt and fear. We play small. We over eat to soothe our pain. We drink. We hide behind unhealthy habits or excess weight. We put self care at the bottom of our to do list. We feel out of control and don’t believe we can actually make the changes we’ve been longing to make.
Sound familiar? In what ways are you stuck? Who would you become if you were able to break free?
We need everyone to be strong, whole and healthy. I’ve been having this image of that army of Badass women from Wakanda in the Black Panther movie standing strong in their feminine power. Maybe not with physical weapons and hand to hand fighting skills. But an army of Badass women who are taking “Black Girl Magic” to the next level. Who are all grown up, powerful, whole and healthy and focused on using their genius to strengthen their families. On using their gifts to better their communities. On helping us to return us to our glory and heal our people.
We need Whole & Healthy men too!
Just imagine what we can do when we are Whole and Healthy! Are you ready?!
Wakanda Forever!!!!!!!
Are you ready to start your Whole and Healthy healing journey? If so I would love to explore working together. Hop on over here to find out more.
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